I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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