I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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