Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
