The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
