a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
