Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
