That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
