Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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