I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
