But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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