U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
