dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
