I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
