Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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