you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
