i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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