Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
