Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
