my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
