Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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