It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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