so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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