I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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