Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
