How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
