Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
