So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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