I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
