that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
