I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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