I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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