even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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