I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
