Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
