4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
