Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
