final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
