I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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