You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
