yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
