Plan B is the new Plan A
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
