I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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