So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
