i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
