he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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