We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
