Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize