Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
