Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
