dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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