Your mouth is God's brothel.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
