I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
