he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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