and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
