i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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