I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
