We're facebook friends in real life
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
