My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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