I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We're too hungover to prance.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
