also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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