Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
