no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
