And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
