I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize