At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
